Regret is a Thief of Happiness
Mistakes, mishaps, misspoken words and misunderstandings are an inevitable quality of being human. Each of us can recount circumstances in which we desired a different outcome or felt guilty about our actions. Our perceptions of these moments and how we move forward can shape and define our lives, whether we are aware of it or not.
For whatever reason, from a young age I was mindful that dwelling on the past was not only unproductive, but even destructive. Suffering arises from regret of both minor and significant events, if allowed to echo in the mind. While reflection can be of value in terms of extracting a lesson or as a guide on addressing future circumstances, allowing the inner critic or judge to run amuck is not beneficial.
The loss of my father in early adulthood was a great catalyst for growth and perspective. It was a stark example of how short life can be; that we cannot predict when our time will come. Consider how a parent would wish for their children to live and experience life; hoping they live fully, without fear, and are open to the potential before them. How can one live fully when reliving past events and haunted by regret? “You can’t live at all unless you can live fully now.” – Alan Watts
Regret is a thief of happiness.
Being mindful that some of the most valuable life lessons come from “failures” and mistakes, we can see the past from a more useful perspective. Through experience, there seem to be elements to living a life deficient in regret... Forgive yourself when you make mistakes, let your heart and intuition guide you, and don’t allow what-ifs to dominate your life choices.
I forgive my own impatience, judgements, speaking before I think, absent-mindedness, and a host of other imperfections. This is not to suggest that I hold some negligent attitude, but rather recognition of my mistakes, to learn and adapt. Awareness and willingness to grow are the intention, not perfection.
“An integrated person is not a person who has eliminated the sense of guilt or the sense of anxiety from his life, [or] who is fearless and wooden and a kind of sage of stone. He is a person who feels all these things but has no recrimination against himself for feeling them.” – Alan Watts
When examining life choices and decisions, the heart has the answer... we just have to be willing to listen to its subtlety, surrender to uncertainty, and set the rational justifications in the corner where they belong. When we let love, rather than fear, direct the course of our lives, we find that although not perfect, we are better able to live a life with less regret.
